so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
