She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
