Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
two words: eviction party
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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