he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
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I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.