So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.