I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
