So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
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She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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