I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
