remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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