I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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