Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
