It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
