I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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