I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
