just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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