I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
