I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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