You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
