I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize