she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
