i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
