you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just invented taco cereal.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
