Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
