Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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