You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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