when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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