I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
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I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
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