I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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