Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Someone signed my nipple.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
