Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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