I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
