I hate your face
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
