she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
