so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
