wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
