i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
