Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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