His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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