Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
