im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
