i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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