now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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