No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
