My sheets look like a crime scene.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
