i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
