Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
