Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
