Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
