Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
