She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
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It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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