dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
should my penis look like a turkey
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
