3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
