How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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