It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Your cock deserves a montage
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
