spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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