you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
