it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
