So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
