i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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