It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
