Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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